In the past
by narutodippy
Summary: The ghosts of the past haunt Sasuke in ways that make every year harder to bear. As they become faded, he clings to them more.But all things, even those that make the pain feel just a little better, must come to an end.


**Christmas Past**

A message lies in this story that I think every one should understand. Please enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto.

XOXOX

The first snow had come and gone a few days prior in a light flurry. It had been pretty and white, a display equal to that of fairy tales. It's predecessor that fell tonight was a much more vengeful demon. Heavy globs of white blinded and hid the world beyond a few feet. The air howled like a hungry wolf on the hunt. Any who dared enter its domain was doomed to suffer a swift icy demise. That is why it was so fitting for such a day.

It is Christmas eve in Konoha. A day not meant for celebration by one certain Uchiha.

The cold wind tore at him with icy fingers, wanting to rip away his heavy coat and hat. Despite the blinding conditions, he moved with little struggle to his destination on such a fateful night. He was drawn to a place filled with ghosts and demons lurking in the shadows. They called out to him like sirens, begging him to come to his watery grave. Tonight was one of the few nights he would dredge up corpses from his past and pretend they were amongst the living. It was a hollow reconciliation for the pain they brought. Despite this, he moved onward, the looming archway glimmering in the distance through the blinding snow.

A simple symbol was etched over the closed gateway. A red and white fan, the symbol of the Uchiha who used to thrive in the land. He touched the cold wood of the door, it caked white with snow. The wind battered against the aged wood, making them tremble on its hinges. Sasuke nipped at the edge of his glove, using his teeth to pull the object away. He fished into his pocket, taking free from it a heavy cast iron key. The large metal was as hollow as the place it would unlock. Behind these doors were memories. He knew what he was doing when he came past these doors. He knew what waiting for him, what delusions he would unleash.

The key went into the lock easily, the metal cogs accepting its old friend back. The clang of a large bolt shifting was drowned out by the winds angry screams. Sasuke move inside, ignoring the burning on his hand the wind had already caused. He tucked the key safe away in his pocket to use it again in one years time. He pushed the door shut behind him against the wind. The howl remained powerful against his efforts, but he managed. He turned around from the door, his form almost knee deep in a snow drift. The streets of the Uchiha compound stretched out before him like the maw of a dead beast. The power still lingered in the air, the faint memory of the beast that was so powerful. Now it was nothing but a skeleton, a mere shadow of what once was.

He began the final leg of his long track, his toes numb in his thick boots. His face was reddened by the slap of the wind, but nothing would stop him. The pack he carried was clenched tightly in his arms as he went past familiar places. It was quite space for the company of the storm. It meant nothing to him though, because he was not alone tonight. He never was alone on Christmas eve, if only in his dreams.

He could see the shops light up with the paper lanterns saved exclusively for this holiday. They were people rushing around, getting their last minute gifts. Some where delivering them while other were simply out to see the lights. There were reefs hung on every door with the Uchiha emblem in the center as to keep with tradition.

His aunt and uncle were at their shop as usual. He could see them with the candy they were giving out to the children. His aunt raised her head, catching Sasuke's eye. She smiled brightly, waving at him jovially.

_"Would you like some candy Sasuke-chan?"_ She called out. Then the image faded, turning back to the cold dark streets. The children where gone, as well as his aunt and uncle. The snow drift had covered most of the shop, leaving the cracked display window a hollow white. Sasuke turned his dark eyes away from the shop, moving faster still among the rise and falls of the dead streets. His foot prints quickly faded behind him as the wind swept the snow smooth once more.

His final destination came into sight, the large mansion that had belonged to his family standing proud and tall against the onslaught of the storm. Even in his absence, the house did not bow to the elements as much as the others did. It was as if his father was the house itself. As stubborn and unmoving as ever. Sasuke smiled softly as he unlocked the door.

He slid it open, silently cursing the snow that manged to leak inside. He shut the door swiftly behind him, only a small pile of the white damnation having come in to the relative warmth of the long empty house. He began to take off his boots, his fingers numb as they moved.

_"Sasuke, There you are. Look at you, you're all soaked from being out in the snow. You shouldn't have stayed away so long." _He heard. He looked up, the room much larger than what it really was. He looked up at his mother, a small apologetic smile on his face. She was as beautiful as he remembered. Her form was light by the large overhead hall light. She wore the apron she always had on when she was in the house. She looked so simple, yet so elegant, every bit of an Uchiha woman exuding from her in radiant beauty.

The rattle of the wind on the window panes cut the image abruptly, leaving Sasuke in the dark chilled hall, his breath misting in front of him in hot puffs. He finished taking off his boots, taking care to put them in their reserved place. He moved from the shoe well into the hall, heading for the living room. He carried his bundle gingerly, as if it would shatter if he handled it too much. He passed the thresh hold of the room, the light coming back on in a flash.

His mother sat in front of the tree, fussing over one of the branches that refused to stay up. She looked forlornly at the mess of pine needles strewn across the floor, but other wise was the image of Christmas spirit. His father was there too, a small almost imperceptible smile on his lips. The small upward slant of his features was like a man laughing in Sasuke's eyes. His father looked so content and happy there. He stood with a kind of softness that was rare to see. He was everything that Sasuke wanted to be in that moment. Someone powerful yet kind and gentle to those who mattered.

He moved across the living room, the smell of Christmas cookies radiating through the house. He sat next t his mother like he did every year, holding the bundle gingerly in his arms.

She turned from her fusing, a smile on her features as she saw him.

_"You look cold Sasuke. Do you want me to make you some hot chocolate?" _She asked, her head tilted to the side slightly to accompany the inquiry. Sasuke shook his head the same as he had done for the past four years. He smiled though, just the same as he had.

"No thank you, I hate sweet things," He spoke to the empty room, the howl of the wind reaching its freezing fingers to his uncovered hands and feet. Despite this, he didn't get a chill. He didn't let the cold reach into his memories where everything was so bright and warm. He blinked his eyes, the light back to their brightness. This time, he would not let anything break the memories. He would have his Christmas back, if only one last time.

He reached into the bag he carried, retrieving three presents. Each were poorly wrapped and were shaped oddly. They were the works of an eight year old and a labor of love.

Mikoto's face light up at the sight of her sons work. Sasuke smiled under the gaze she gave him. She reached out to hug him. He opened his arms, the feeling of her arms around him almost there again. He set his arms down as he moved the presents under the tree one by one, placing them exactly where he had when he had fist given them.

The soft groan of wood met his senses, telling him that the third, and final member of the Uchiha family arrived. A part of him felt anger bubble to the surface, but a much stronger part felt happy. He rose from his kneeling position, his eyes alight with joy.

He raced across the empty room in the dark, acting out every moment he had done the last Christmas he had shared with his family. He flung open his arms, his eyes squinted slightly as the bright lights of the decorated room shined in his face. He clamped down on the person in front of him.

"Aniki! You're home!" He shouted to the hollow room with the ghosts witness to the insanity of it all. He should not be happy that this figure was in his cherished memories. The ghost were howling in the winds, cursing him for daring to defile their memories by taking condolence in the one who had killed them. He ignored them this time. He would give them rest some other day, but tonight, this world was his.

He let go of his smiling older brother, moving away from him. The elder of the two Uchiha had his hand behind his back, something clearly hidden. Sasuke couldn't help but let his curiosity get the better of him. He wanted to see what his brother had.

_"Not yet. You'll see it tomorrow," _It was a sour reminder that there was no tomorrow for the present to him. There was no happiness with such things. He could not be here tomorrow because the day would be a dark and bitter memory. A memory that marked the beginning of the end of their happy little family.

There would be a fight between father and son. Itachi would yell at Father, and father would yell back in turn. The tree would be knocked over and Mother's favorite ornament would be broken. The picture of them as a happy family. Mom would cry in her room then and he'd be left confused and alone standing there on Christmas day with unopened presents.

He nodded happily towards Itachi before he rushed over to the tree, it all aglow with white lights shimmering in the room. He grabbed one of the present from under the tree that he had wrapped.

"Can I give mine today?" He asked excitedly to the empty cold room. There was nothing but wind to answer, but in his mind, there was his father's soft tender laugh.

_"Very well Sasuke. Just this once," _With the permission given, Sasuke light up, waving the present around happily before he dashed to his brother, wanting his favorite person to have the privilege of opening a gift first. He shoved it in Itachi's hands before moving away to get a good view. He watched as the wrapped present clattered to the floor, disturbing the dust. It was in Itachi's hands though. He was opening it.

Sasuke had spend days and days looking for it. He had wanted it to be perfect. Itachi opened the paper bit by bit, almost trying to preserve the endearing paper Sasuke had picked. The paper was a mess of taped together scraps of various paper in a ball like clump. Sasuke could still remember the paper had been kept in Itachi's room up until that fateful day where the potential for another Christmas like this was forever lost.

The paper was pocketed as the present was revealed. It was simple, but in that, it was perfect. It was a Kunai. Etched on the side was Itachi. It was nothing special. It was as normal as any Kunai could come. That didn't matter though. Itachi kneeled down so he was eye level with Sasuke. His smile was warm and happy, one of pure happiness. One that would never be seen again.

_"Thank you Sasuke. It's perfect,"_

Sasuke kneeled down, picking up the poorly wrapped Kunai and set it to the side so it would not be in the way. He placed it in the corner of the dark room were nothing of worth ever occurred.

He quickly went back to where his place was. The light came back on and the people where back in the room. It was getting so clear now. The faded images of his family where now becoming crisper. It was as if the very time had come back to greet him and take away the pain. They came with the best night he could remember having with his family. There was no hint of silent disappointment from his father. No unsaid sadness from his mother. No neglect from his brother. Every thing was perfect.

He took up the present that he left for his Mother, the paper as poorly put together as Itachi's. He turned to the woman he considered breath taking in every way. She was perfect because she would always love him. She was different from all other woman both old and young because she was his. She would always be his mother and would always want him. That alone, made her perfect.

He gave the present to her more gently that he had with Itachi. She held it delicately in her hand, a look of silent contemplation on her face as where to start to open the object. She began to pull away the paper, only a few incisions being made to get to what ever laid inside. Sasuke watched as she stared on at her present, a small smile coming to her lips. It was one as happy as Itachi's. It was her best smile.

_"Oh Sasuke...It's beautiful..."_ It was a simple ornament. One he had crafted himself. The frame was that of wood, and honestly poorly made. In the center was a family picture of them. It was taken last year around Christmas. It was funny in a way, the way they all had their emotions so obviously shinning through. The way his mother looked like she was trying her hardest not to laugh. Itachi looked down right bored to be in the picture. Their father was annoyed because they had managed to convince him to wear a Santa hat. Sasuke could still remember how much it hurt to man's pride to be seen in such a 'ridiculous' thing. Then there was him. He was grinning as big a grin as any person could. He was happy for the whole family to be doing something together.

The ornament was placed on an open space in the tree, which would the next day fall over and crush it. The picture would be torn from the wooded frame impaling it. It would be gone forever.

The ornament was breath taking on their small tree. It looked perfect. It was clear his mother thought the same. Sasuke turned to his father, a formal look on his face, which was comical for an eight year old to display. He held up his fathers present, presenting it like a fine sword. He father took the gift just as dignified.

He held the object for a moment, observing all it was in its small wrappings. He then tore away the paper slowly, the small flecks of paper descending to the ground like ash from a fire.

There was silence as hard ebony eyes stared at the object held in the paper. Sasuke wilted back slightly at the silence, fearing that his gift was not in his father's taste. The aged man took hold of the object, raising it up for all to see. It was a simple red hat with a white puff of fur at its pointed tip and a ring of white fur around the edge. It was a Santa hat. Sasuke took a shy step back, silently wishing he had gotten a different gift.

His father regarded him in a solemn silent stare before he let go of the paper that had been beneath the hat. He took the hat with bother hands, looking the fabric over with the eye of a shinobi. Slowly, as if time had paused, his father raised the hat up. Sasuke's eyes widened in surprise as the hat was set upon his father head.

The whole room fell silent at such a thing. The pause did not last as a small snicker of laughter came from Sasuke's mother. next to laugh was Itachi, then finally Sasuke himself.

The bellows of jubilant laughter filled the empty room as one Uchiha sat on the floor, the image of his serious father in such a ridiculous hat playing in his memories.

The laughter died down, leaving a happy hum in the air. Sasuke turned to his mother, a grin on his face. Tonight was so perfect. Every one was here and happy. There wasn't anything that could ruin something like this. The tolling of a clock in the other room interrupted them suddenly. Sasuke's mother gained a look of surprise before she glanced at Sasuke.

_"That late already? Looks like it's time for someone to get to bed," _She spoke with a knowing glimmer in her eyes. Sasuke pouted predictably, as his mother knew he would. A yawn slipped past his guard though, showing he was in need of rest. His mother rose from where she sat, offering her hand to Sasuke. He took it reluctantly, allowing himself to be led to his bed room.

The halls were as he remembered them. They were just darker and colder. There were parts were snow had shifted in through broken windows and holes animals had made. The beginnings of rot and decay had set in in some places, warning this might be his last year in these memories. He didn't listen to it though as he let his mother guide him down the dimly light hall.

He came to his room, a place he knew very well. He entered the old abandoned space, the smells still clinging there in the corners now stripped barren. He moved next to his bed, shedding his shirt and pants as his mother retrieved his pajamas. It was unnecessary considering Sasuke was old enough to dress himself, but she still insisted this one night for him to be her baby again.

He put on his night shirt and pants before snuggling down in his blankets. His mother stayed next to him, a smile on her features. She looked so close to alive. The faded edges that had haunted the memory was gone this time. She was there with him. Her skin was warm as she stroked his head lovingly. She was alive in this one single moment. She was his this one last time.

_"Good night Sasuke..."_ She whispered as the image began to fade, his memories falling asleep as he had back then. He wanted to keep his eyes open. He wanted to look at her a little closer one last time, but things were already getting hazy. There was holes in the picture, like old film. The empty dead room was peaking through the happiness.

The last image of his mother turned towards him, a soft smile on her lips.

_"We all love you..."_

The dark room was there again, greeting him in the abysmal darkness that was his childhood home. It was silent spare for the wind crying outside like he was inside. He sat up from the floor he laid on, ignoring the numbness his body felt. He wasn't quite sure if it had come from the cold. He moved down abandoned dark halls to the living room. The smell of rot was stronger here, leaving the memories he had just had further from his reality. He picked up the dropped presents, knowing no one would open them. No one would hold the objects close to their hearts and love them like they had loved him.

He moved to one final room of the house, his journey through the past coming to a confrontation with the present. He opened the doors of a room he had feared to enter. The night shed its light unforgiving light in a room he wished it would be too dark to see. A simple stain was on the floor, one that looked like water in the darkness.

He kneeled down, his dark eyes shut. He bowed his head in respect to those who had fallen here and gave a silent curse to the person who had slain them. He rose his head again, staring long and hard at the room his parents had seen last. A small smile came to his lips as he touched the floor just past his knee's.

"Merry Christmas...Mom...Dad..." He raised his sights, looking towards the back wall, towards someone who was no longer there. The wind stilled for a moment, giving the air a chill worse that anything the element could bring. Warm tears glimmered on emotionless cheeks. The pain was there, hidden behind the cockiness and cold regard towards others. A small smile graced his lips as he looked at the one person he had aspired to be like.

"And you too Aniki..."

He rose from the floor and left. The doors were locked behind him, closing away the memories and the happiness. The Uchiha compound door was shut and locked. Behind the large wooden doors the memories were left. Time was left to repeat itself in a never ending cycle of sadness that it's only bearer could not stand watch to. Slow steps in the snow disappeared like they had when he had come through the night bearing his sorrows like the martyr her was left to be.

The Uchiha compound slowly faded into the white abyss in the distance, it left behind by one Uchiha Sasuke carrying lone bundle of gifts of a Christmas gone past.

XOXOX

_Remember the ones you love..._

_Because one day..._

_They might not be there any more..._


End file.
